Four Carnations
by angelle-wings
Summary: Elle and Jude decided to a pay visit to some special people. Where they thought of it as just a visit, it ended up to be a life changing experience to their understanding of the word 'family. Includes ending spoilers.


It has been almost six months since Ludger Kresnik, the man who lived a life in an endless debt, has sacrificed himself for humanity and has been dubbed as a 'hero' worldwide. Though no one, but a few, knew his real intention was not to save the world, but to give a girl a future of her own. That was the young girl with pigtails who was holding the hand of the known doctor, Jude Mathis.

Both Jude and Elle were on their path to visit the hero who was currently resting in a small field of flowers outside of Trigleph. Three others were also resting in the same location. This was Julius Kresnik, Elle's father and Milla Maxwell. The Milla Maxwell who was residing there was not the Milla Maxwell known amongst everyone but a former 'Lord of spirits' from an alternate world which has long been forgotten. None of the bodies actually existed there, but thanks to King Gaius and Rowen, a grave was set for the sake of the young child to remember her loved ones; those who gave her hope and a future she can lead alone.

The field of Trigleph had certainly improved in Jude's eyes. Where once rested a dry wasteland were patches of green grass with trees and flowers growing. There was still some sort of resemblance to the wasteland it once was and there was still so much that can be improved. But for so much to improve in a short period of time definitely gave him hope in the future.

Between both Jude and Elle was silence. Silence was common amongst the both of them. It has been so common that Jude didn't mind it. In fact, nature music filled the gap until it was barely noticeable. As for Elle, the train of thoughts has kept her occupied, thus she ignored the world outside her mind. Ignoring both her surroundings and Jude. Since the very beginning of the trip, Elle had not shared a single word. Jude didn't want to pressure her to make conversation, though. So he left her to her thoughts. It had already been months, and today Elle finally decided that she was ready to visit their graves. It would only be natural to be afraid.

Now, she was on her path, on one hand she held four carnations and on the other she clutched Jude's hand tightly. It didn't take long until the arrived to four stones. Each reading a name: Milla M., Victor, Julius Kresnik and the final stone, Ludger Kresnik.

Elle took her step towards each grave to place a carnation on each one. Jude watched her as she kneeled placing one flower after another. When she reached Ludger's grave, she gulped. Jude started to question his decision if bringing her here was really the right choice.

"Hey, Ludger…" Her voice cracked, and she cleared her throat once more before continuing.

"Hey, Ludger," She repeated with an upbeat voice. It seemed as though she pushed herself to act like everything was okay, "I don't know if you know, but I have been staying with Jude lately."

She turned to face Jude who was avoiding any sort of eye contact.

"It's a little hard- you know, life- I did a lot of thing when you were gone I guess."

Her face suddenly glowed as if she remembered something, she removed her bag from back and unzipped the zipper only to take out a bright red tomato, she smiled, "I have been eating my tomatoes just as I promised!"

The awkward silence brought back no response, She started to fidget with the tomato in her hands, hoping for a response then she glanced towards the Julius grave, "You know, I would share some with glasses guy as well…He loved tomatoes, didn't he?"

As she realized there not a word was shared with her she shoved the tomato back in her bag, "You know, Jude is not as good as you in cooking- he is my ninetieth favorite cook if anything. So you don't have to worry about him taking your place!"

The silence once more stabbed her, the air felt dense and Jude has not said a single comeback. She hoped he would complain but instead he didn't. Unlike the certain Milla she knew he didn't fight back to be the first in Elles book.

Elle bit her lips, "You know… One day I want you to be a cook as good as you and daddy. So Jude has been teaching me a lot of stuff."

She smiled as glanced at the name Victor K. She remembered the nights where she would impatiently wait for his meals as the aroma wafted through the room. The nights where he would smile and speak to her as they had their meal. It was so long ago yet the memory was crystal clear to her as if he were cooking her meals just the other night.

"And also maybe like the third place favorite cook," she glanced at Milla's grave. The girl who had true determination in cooking and never gave up to be second place or possibly the first. She may have lost the world, she may have been supposedly 'erased' from the world. Yet, to this little girl, she was the only Milla she acknowledged and held a special place in her heart.

A petal has fallen from the carnation, Her voice lowered to a whisper, "Hey Ludger, Can you…come back? I want my second favorite cook to make me an Elle style curry…"

Anyone who watched her wouldn't be able to handle this for much longer, she fought the tears back for so long. Suffering in silence. Jude was no exception, he stood there, just looking for a chance to help. He realized, it was enough. He didn't want to see her suffer much longer. It was too much for him already.

Jude walked towards her, he kneeled down, "Shall we… go home Elle?"

She didn't respond, Jude faced the other way, "How about a piggyback ride home huh?"

Once again, she didn't say a word but she wrapped her hands around his neck and her legs around his body. He decided that was a 'yes' and he stood up carrying her towards the path back.

The silence grew awkward between the two, Jude decided he would make some sort of conversation to break it, "You know this reminds me of that time where I gave Milla a piggyback ride, I had to go around carrying Milla on my back, wanna hear more about it?"

Unsurprisingly, she didn't even attempt to carry out the conversation. The conversation died and Jude couldn't help but feel useless. He wanted to apologize for not reaching hand out for her when she needed it. But in reality, he didn't know if it would help much anyways. Everything he has done has just backfired him. When he tried to give her space to think he just realized she grew lonelier and lonelier. When he heard that hollow laugh as she attempted to speak to Ludger he saw that loneliness reflected in her green eyes. Six months. He had been her guardian for six months yet he did nothing right. When he tried to imitate Ludger to be a father-like figure it didn't help at all. All they shared was one word sentences and sometimes not even a single word. To them actions did not speak more than the words they shore. Maybe if she had stayed with Alvin, Elize or Leia it would have been better. He knew they wouldn't mind taking her in. But he felt guilty for taking her in when he couldn't help her. He felt pathetic, helpless and hopeless and he hated it. A lot.

Suddenly he felt a tug on his shirt, "Something wrong, Elle?"

"Yeah," she mumbled, "Jude, You are a doctor right?"

His eyes widened at her question, Jude stopped and put her down. He crouched down and started to observe her physical state but instead he didn't see any type of wound or any sort of bleeding. Though it may be a stomach ache, he suspected, or something of the sort.

He attempted to ask, "Does something hurt, Elle?"

She shook her head, "No… It's just that I was wondering if you can bring back daddy, glasses guy, Milla and maybe Ludger… You know."

Jude avoided her gaze, he could feel her stares piercing right through him. Those green emerald eyes were exactly like her father's. They spoke her emotions more than her words ever could. It glimmered as if it were frantically searching for the light in a dark abyss. He couldn't bear disappointing a child with so much hope.

"Oh…" Elle didn't need his words to understand, "I just thought… that doctors save people but if you can't bring someone back… What's the point of being a doctor?"

Jude was taken back by her choice of words but it was understandable why she would ask that question. The world wasn't as black and white in her eyes as any other child is taught. She learnt, with her own two eyes, that the impossible might be possible. When traveling from one dimension was just a fairytale to other children. She saw it with her own two eyes. Jude decided it was time he spoke to her and tell her the truth, he looked around and when he saw no monster in sight he walked towards the closest tree and sat underneath it. He patted the place next to him and even if she walked towards it she didn't sit down. She just stood underneath the shade.

"Elle, I have to tell you something, just listen to me," He took a deep breath and started, "You see, dying is-"

"Don't call it that!" She interrupted him, "Don't…That word…Calling them _that_ is like… Erasing them entirely from the world…"

She knew what he was going to say, she knew there was no way he would come back. She knew what dying was. But she just wanted someone to tell her it's possible. Even if it were a lie. That one day bringing back everyone is possible, like a wish in a fairytale.

Jude almost jumped at her sudden raise of volume, "I'm sorry, I won't do it again." He cleared his throat and decided to try again through another way, "Elle, I promise you, they are in a better place now, they are watching over us, you, me and everyone else."

He knew he could have worded it better but he was afraid that his choice of words could hurt her and so he decided to keep it simple.

"Yes, like _that's_ fair," she rolled her eyes and tired from standing she decided to take her seat next to Jude, "They see us, so they don't miss us but I can't see them…so…I miss them…"

"Elle…I know." Jude nodded, "But, you know, what the living people do is carry their memories in their hearts and we should move forward together-"

"Shut up! Like you know a thing." Elle exclaimed, the tears she fought back so hard were back at full force.

"All the adults are just like you! Saying 'Sorry for your loss' and 'He will always be in our hearts.' when all of it is just a lie." She mocked their voices, "What do they know?! The next day they forgot he even existed. He was nothing to them, no one helped him when he needed it!"

Jude didn't even argue, Elle had a point. They didn't understand what Ludger went through. They only pitied her behind her back to be growing up as an orphan, Elle knew better than anyone else. But to Jude, he didn't see himself as all the other adults that lied.

"Yes… But I care- Elize, Alvin, Leia, Milla, Gaius and Rowen- we all remember them, we care as much as you do Elle," He explained, "I know Victor, Milla, Julius and Ludger may be closer to you but we all-every single one of us- care a lot. We will never forget them. You aren't alone, we all feel this similar sort of sadness together."

Elle was stunned, the words repeated in her mind until she made sense of it. She realized She wasn't alone. _She wasn't alone._ All these months when she thought fought alone, but she wasn't the only one. She felt blind when they all were fighting she thought she was alone. But now it made sense, they all were suffering. Just each of them in different ways.

"I'm sorry," She mumbled, "I'm so sorry."

She started to wipe the never-ending tears as Jude put his hand around her neck bringing her closer to him. She didn't fight back, instead she pulled herself closer to him. He heard nothing but her constant sniffs and the rustling of the leaves. But he knew she wasn't the one who owed him an apology. It was him who had to apologize.

Jude took a deep breath, "Elle, I'm the one who is supposed to be sorry…"

She didn't say a word, he knew she was already overwhelmed with the current situation but he decided to continue, "I am so sorry… I was afraid. Your eyes… they were just like Ludger and I couldn't forget him. I was afraid if I got close to you I would only lose you. I felt lost after Ludger left- it all happened so fast- and I became selfish I didn't even see you suffer…"

Yet again, she didn't say a word, she wasn't even looking at him at this point, she was busy wiping the tears with the back of her hands. He knew his words was scattered but he knew she understood what he said. He decided it was time he would admit the truth, "I… just thought, I wanted to be like a father like Ludger was…"

And finally she looked up with puffed eyes, "A father?"

It took a lot of courage to speak up the truth but he wasn't just speaking up the truth, he was just following what his heart had told him to do. After all, a special someone did tell him, 'You should be yourself, and do what you have to do.' At this very moment, the task he had to do was to take responsibility for something he has failed to do. A task he thought would be quite simple but there was more to it than meets the eye.

"Pathetic huh?" He laughed, "Elle… I could never be a father… Maybe not yet anyways."

Elle didn't respond, he took his hands away from her shoulder. Even though he had expected her to move away she instead laid her head against his arms.

He gulped, "I want to say, I am sorry. I know so much has happened, but maybe… I just hope…perhaps we can start over again- as friends this time? Or maybe we could be family?"

"Jude…" Her voice held a certain softness to it and a sense of maturity, "I am sorry… I always caused you trouble-"

"But that's not true Elle." Jude interrupted, "You were never any trouble to me… I.."

Jude was gazing down at the grass, he seemed weak and defenseless at this moment. Elle saw the chance and took it. She stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Thank you, you were always her for me, it's just these times were tough for the both of us… Don't blame yourself- for now it was time you and I started over," Her voice was now close to a whisper, "You know, I appreciate it but you don't need to be a father. Just be yourself, the same Jude who was always a friend to me okay?"

This time round it was Jude who couldn't choke away his tears, it felt like he was the true child here. Though, her embrace didn't weaken as he cried his heart out. And to Elle she didn't say a word. She knew how tough it was to him as well. Even though she didn't admit it, all her friends were family to her. He was family to her and family had each others back. When one cried, the other was here to support. When one laughed, the other was there to join them. Because, to Elle, it was more than just make-believe- being family meant trust, honesty, love and the fact they have each others back.

As his cries died she slowly let go of her hug and faced him with a hand his way, "Hey Jude, let's go home- let's make some Jude-style curry!"

"Are you sure you don't want it to be Elle-styled?" He laughed as he wiped his tears.

She tilted her head in thought, "No- I think we should try some Jude-style curry- not because I like your meals or anything."

Jude smiled and took her hand, "I know, I am, after all, your ninetieth favorite cook."

Elle giggled, she clutched his hand tightly on the path back as she started skipping. Though they didn't share a word but this time the air was light hearted. Elle hummed a familiar tune, a tune which he and her knew very well. A tune which brought warm memories of the ones they can't meet today but loved very much.

As she finished humming, Elle paused in her place when a soft wind dispersed some of the flower petals in the field. Her hand naturally let go of Jude and she closed her eyes until the wind died down. Jude continued his path but then noticed quickly noticed he didn't hold her warm hands anymore.

"Something wrong, Elle?" Jude turned to see the girl, it has been a while but Jude was able to finally the pure and innocent smile formed on her face.

"No," she shook her head and opened her eyes, "Nothing at all."

At that very moment, Elle could have sworn that she was able to feel the presence of Ludger, Victor, Julius and Milla carried by the wind. She felt as though they were by her side and, for the first time in a long time, Elle felt- no- Elle _knew_ that she wasn't alone.


End file.
